i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
