Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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