I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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