I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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