apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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