Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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