He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
someone owes me an orgasm
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
