Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
