I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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