got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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