i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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