one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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