I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
