Im at strip club and am horny
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
