you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
