margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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