yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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