Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
