i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
