What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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