i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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