dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
