Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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