apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
