Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
