Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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