Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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