I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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