Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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