Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
