i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
