I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
