When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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