you're like a bully in the Christmas story
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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