I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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