She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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