Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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