Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
