somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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