I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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