I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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