when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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