Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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