im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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