I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Ladies don't puke and tell
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
