her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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