just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
