awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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