Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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