HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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