I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
