She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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