Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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