Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
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