can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
