You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
