I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
What a dumb baby whore.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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