Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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