Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
