He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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