Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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