It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
