I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
