I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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