Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
