And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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