the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
