When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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