She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
