I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dicks are not precious.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
