hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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