dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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