guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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