I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
