Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
