Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
