I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
