just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
