Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
