sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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