I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize