true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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