This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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