Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
