I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
