How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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